Which makes me feel like an angsty rebelious teenager

So I've barly left the house in three days. Today I watched a Roswell marathon and achived new levels of lonliness. I can't belive I wish I could be camping with my mom and sibs. I love my grandparents. I really do. It's just so hard now that I'm older I feel like we have nothing to tal about we can't talk about my life because they won't be able to deal with the fact that I'm a lesbian. They already know they just won't admitt it's actually true. I just feel invisible I keep trying to be social but I dunno something just feels wrong.

All they do is watch the Fox news channel all fucking day. It's starting to depress me. Why is there so much bad in the world. The sucky thing is that it gets to me worse than other people but I can't them that because they don't belive in emotional instability. They've practically disowned my bipolar sister. SO I've taken to wearing my headphones around on full volume, which makes me feel like an angsty rebelious teenager when I'm freakin 21 years old and have the ability to be a mature adult, except that I can't seem to get myself to feel that way around the Granfolks.

I never realized how easy it was to remain silent. I keep wanting to say things like: I saw Hillary Clinton March in the Gay Pride Parade and I dunno other stuff that I just can't seem to get out.

Yesterday I just had to get out. I walked upp the dirt road that leads to an old cemetery. It's about as far as I can go without a car. I smoked my last clove on the way and I have no idea where to get more. I haven't been high since I've been here either. Which is okay, I wanted to cut down on that.






There's a wake tonight for a boy I went to high school with. He was really nice. I would have gone if I was in Jersey.